Positions: Most of the sexual positions are just slight variations on three or four basic ones. None of the more bizarre and/or athletic ones tend to add anything in terms of pleasure over what the basic ones do.

This isn't to say that working through one of the ``positions'' books can't be fun (a subject we'll revisit a bit little later), but chances are the positions you'll find the most enjoyable and comfortable in the long run will be one of those described below.

In general, it's worth repeating that as enjoyable as the sex may still be, most women cannot reach orgasm without some kind of stimulation directly to the clitoris.

 Of course, one perfectly viable way to approach sex is for the woman to have an orgasm first, then the rest of intercourse amounts to the guy having his turn.
 
But, the thought of ``simultaneous orgasm'' (even though in my opinion it's perfectly fine to take turns enjoying them) is important to a lot of people, and admittedly it can be fun when it works.
 
So, with that in mind, we'll be sure to mention it if there's a variation on one of the following positions which allows the clitoris to get some direct attention during intercourse.

Man-on-Top: In other words, the classic ``Missionary Position,'' and several variations on it.

This can be a lot of fun, particularly for couples who like to enjoy deep kissing or nasty talk along with their sex. You get full body contact, you get easy and close eye contact, and the person on the bottom can enjoy a nice ``enveloped'' feeling.

Variations include: The woman wrapping her legs behind her partner's back a little further up, for a different angle and a slightly different sensation (or alternatively putting a pillow or two under her bottom, which can achieve largely the same thing).

The man supporting more of his weight on his hands (or better yet forearms), particularly if it's hot or his partner is starting to feel squished.

The woman can reach her hands over her head and push back against the headboard of the bed, or the wall, for a little extra force in vigorous fucking (not to mention less sliding towards the head of the bed).
 
For especially passionate and vigorous thrusting, the man can press his feet against the foot of the bed so that less energy is wasted sliding around the bed when thrusting (note that it's good to keep these kinds of things in mind when buying a bed --- as much as I love the minimalist style in furniture, beds lacking something raised and solid at their foot are less attractive for this reason).

 Alternatively, holding your partner's shoulders from underneath, or grabbing something on the headboard, can serve the same purpose. If the man can raise himself up a bit, perhaps supporting his weight on his knees, then although this might not allow thrusting that's quite as deep, it does free the women to rub her clit with her fingers, or apply a vibrator to the same.

Then, after an orgasm, everyone is still in a perfect position for more sex.

Woman-on-Top: This position provides the woman with a great deal of control, and for women who find themselves able to reach orgasm through intercourse alone this position may be the easiest one for that to happen in.

For women who have a healthy amount of sexual self-confidence, and are so inclined, it's also a great position to tease and talk dirty to their partner in.
 
If you and your partner are going to be having sex for a long period of time, it also makes sense to switch between this position and one of the others so that everyone gets a turn lying down.

Of course, the partner on the bottom doesn't have to be completely inactive: rhythmic thrusts, as long as they're in rhythm with what his partner is doing, can be a positive thing. Obviously this position provides good opportunity for clitoral stimulation, as the woman can simply lean back a little bit, supporting herself with one arm and working her clit with her other hand. And who doesn't enjoy a nice, sexy show from time to time?

Rear Entry: This position (also known as ``doggie style'') is popular for a number of reasons: It has a raw, animal edge to it that many people find very sexy. The woman can easily change the angle of penetration for different sensations.

This is by far the easiest position in which the clitoris can also be stimulated: the woman can finger her clit, or apply a vibrator to her clit, all without needing a change in position or disturbing anything her partner is doing.

Men who love the look of their partner's bottom get to see their partner's bottom. If it's summer and you don't have air conditioning, this position offers less skin-to-skin contact than other positions, so there's less of a chance anyone will start to feel uncomfortably hot or sweaty.

Nobody is lying on anybody, so there's less chance anyone will either feel squished or worry too much about whether they're making their partner feel squished.

Obviously one disadvantage of this position is that both people are on their knees, which is why for lengthy sex it may make sense to alternate this position with one of the others.

 The other disadvantage is that you don't get to enjoy eye contact with your partner, though I suppose you could arrange a mirror near the head of the bed if you want to take care of that in a nice, sexy way.

Unfortunately (and I hate to have to bring this up) there's one possible disadvantage to this position when having sex with someone new: if you expect your partner to be using a condom, then this position allows him to more easily take the condom off without you noticing.

If you trust your new partner and have reason to trust him, then obviously this is nothing to be concerned about, but for casual sex with someone you don't know that well, or while intoxicated in a ``party'' setting, it might not be the wisest position to pick unless you're keeping a very close eye on things.

Edge of the Bed: The man stands up, and the woman lies on her back either on the bed (if it's the right height), or on a massage table, or on one of those special slings especially designed for this kind of sex.
To change the angle of penetration, she can either put her feet up on her partner's shoulders, or else (if the edge of the bed or table is close enough) press them against the wall. Obviously it's incredibly easy for the woman to reach her clitoris in this position.

This position also removes any pressure from her stomach or knees, and as such might be ideal for women who either suffer from back problems or are in the early stages of pregnancy.
 
Everything Else: As we mentioned earlier, there are far fewer sex positions in everyday use than some books might lead you to believe, honestly, even if they've tried many others, most people eventually gravitate towards one or more of the positions described above, simply because they're easy, comfortable, and work well.

Having said that, there is still value in picking up one of those illustrated sex positions books and spending a silly evening trying to go through all of them in order with your partner.

Since in doing this the focus has shifted from trying to please each other to just trying to accomplish something together, some of the pressure that might otherwise make one or both of you nervous about sexual communication will hopefully be released in a fun way.

Enjoying it Longer: Within reason, sex is often sexier the longer it goes. In the case of sex between men and women, the reason may often be that women often take longer to get aroused (perhaps especially if she and her partner aren't having sex regularly), and hence the longer sex goes on the more time she spends in the zone where it's the most fun.

With that in mind, what follows are a few tips on how to enjoy sex for lengthier periods of time.

For Women;
Here are the big tips:

*For any kind of penetrative sex, make sure you have some water-based lube, and reapply a little if things start to feel unslippery.
 
*Speak up if anything is making you uncomfortable: for example, if your knees are getting sore from the ``doggie style'' position, then suggest a switch to your partner being on top.
 
*It's helpful to keep a water bottle nearby: a nice cool drink at the right time can be very refreshing, and it's silly to have to go all the way to the kitchen to get it.
 
*If you're using safer sex supplies, then make sure nothing you're using contains Nonoxynol-9 (this stuff is now considered by the CDC to be a bad safer sex idea just in general, but for sex over extended periods of time it's probably fair to assume it's an even worse idea).
 
*If you can queue up several albums in your music player beforehand, and set the entire group on repeat, then do so: going from music to silence can break the mood a little, but hearing the same album over and over can also be a drag.

*Start earlier in the evening.
 
For Men: Since after an ejaculatory orgasm men generally go through a ``refractory period,'' which has to be waited out before their sexual response cycle can begin again, what may be most helpful for extended sessions of sex (or at least, any kind of sex that involves their penis) is a high level of body awareness so that their ejaculatory orgasm can be truly saved for the end of the evening.
 
This was discussed earlier in the chapter on masturbation, but it's worth repeating: using masturbation to learn exactly what your body feels like just before it crosses the ``point of no return,'' and then during sex with your partner either pausing or thrusting more slowly if you're about to cross over this point, are what may make the biggest difference.
 
In the context of a relationship where you can easily communicate during sex, this opens up potentially any form of sex to be enjoyable for as long as you like.

With Their Partner's Strap-On: For women who have sex with other women and would like to try using a strap-on dildo,
 
the critical first step is selecting a quality harness and dildo combination:

*patronize a shop which caters to women and
*carries a variety of high-quality harnesses with matching silicone dildos,
*and which can provide advice to you about proper fit for your body type.

After donning their strap-on, but before continuing sex with their partner, some women find it helpful to spend a few seconds getting used to the toy:

perhaps feeling the length of the attached dildo,

lightly pressing it back against the pubic bone,

and in general letting the mind start becoming aware of this new object that it's going to be expected to use as if it were a body part.

 
This may have a positive impact on how natural using the strap-on will feel.

Other than that, it's all about practicing: even if you select quality gear that's adjusted properly, it may be a little while before using it feels completely natural to you.

Anal: Although it isn't everyone's cup of tea, there are several good reasons why anal penetration (or even stimulation of the anal opening without actual penetration) is such a popular sexual activity:

The anus is very rich in nerve endings, resulting in intense and interesting sensations whenever it is intentionally stimulated.

Some men find that anal penetration can stimulate their prostate gland, which (especially when they are already aroused) can put an interesting new spin on the sexual sensations they receive from stimulation of their penis.

Some may find an erotic charge in anal sex because they think of it as being somehow ``naughty.'' Others may find an erotic charge in anal sex because the sensation of taking something inside their body may feel so unusual and/or intimate.

Wearing a specially-designed toy such as a ``butt plug'' during sex results in different sensations when you move your pelvis.

Alternatively, if you practice PC muscle contraction during sex for orgasm enhancement, then you've probably also noticed when you clench your PC muscle the muscles around your anus tighten as well, having something for them to clench around just makes you even more aware of this clenching, in a way that you might find erotic and interesting.
 As a side note, I'm told that some heterosexual men are hung up about whether anal penetration will somehow ``make them gay.''

Obviously, having something in your butt doesn't make you gay: being sexually attracted to other men is what makes you gay, and so far nobody has found a way to make that happen for straight men any more than they've found a way to make gay men straight.
 
Put in another way: if having had the experience of, during oral sex, your female partner putting her finger in your anus and you liking the sensation could somehow make you gay, then there would be far, far more gay men in the world than there currently are.

General Tips: Going Slowly: Especially with a partner new to any kind of anal play (or who may have had bad experiences with it in the past but wants to give it another try with you) it's important to go slowly, and let the person being penetrated decide when they want more.

Also, keep in mind that anal play doesn't have to mean anal penetration: the outside rim of the anus is very sensitive in and of itself, and running a lubed finger around it can be plenty arousing for some people.
 
So start slowly, go slowly, and listen to what your partner is saying.

 Using Lube--Unlike the vagina, the anal passageway doesn't produce its own lubrication. So, when inserting anything into the anus, lube is in order.
The usual water-based lubes (once again, without Nonoxynol-9) are perfectly fine for most kind of anal play.

One caution, however: under no circumstances can I recommend that you purchase any of the anal lubes which are marketed as containing ``numbing agents.''

If anal sex is uncomfortable for you, then examples of productive responses might include asking your partner to go slower, using more lube, using a smaller dildo, or maybe even just skipping the anal play altogether for the time being.

By contrast, an example of an unproductive response would be deadening one of the body's natural warning signals.

Stopping if Anything Hurts: Anal penetration shouldn't hurt: the tissues involved are delicate, and sharp pain in particular shouldn't be ignored. Keeping Clean.

Although Hepatitis A would be a concern if one partner has it and the other isn't vaccinated against it, for many people general cleanliness is their biggest concern about anal play.
 
Even if so, it isn't necessary to go through anything as drastic as an enema before ordinary kinds of anal play if you want to feel clean.

Simpler measures for fastidious folks include: Saving anal play for when you and your partner are in the shower together (note that this isn't a substitute for safer sex barriers if they're needed --- rather it simply may be perceived by some as a cleaner and more comfortable setting for anal play just in general).

Donning latex or Nitrile gloves (available at most drugstores) before putting your fingers in your partner, and peeling off/discarding the gloves afterward.

Putting a condom over any toy that you're about to insert into your partner's anus (note: this is something that's a good idea just in general for any toy that cannot be sterilized, regardless of your personal cleanliness preferences).
 
Using a condom, whether or not it is needed for safer sex reasons. Using a sheet of saran wrap (perhaps with a bit of water-based lube on your partner's side of the barrier) to cover the anus if you'll be engaging in rimming (i.e. stimulating the external part of your partner's anus with your tongue).

Different Ways People Do It With Their Partner's Fingers Fingers are endlessly versatile when it comes to sex, and anal play is no exception.

Here are just a few examples:
 A lubed finger is an easy way to stimulate and tease the exterior of the anus.

A soapy finger in the shower, or a lubed finger around the behind during oral sex, are easy ways to start experimenting with anal penetration.
 
Fingers are also one of the easiest ways for men to experience prostate stimulation: once you're aroused, if your partner presses towards the root of your penis from inside your anus, then they'll probably be able to feel the gland itself (and if not you could certainly tell them once things start to feel interesting).

One important point:

fingernails should be short if you're going to use them for anal penetration.

"Remember that the tissues of the anus are extremely sensitive, so any bumps or sharp edges to your fingernails, even if they look small, are best avoided."

 With Their Partner's Penis Fingers and/or toys are actually the best way to get started with anal penetration, but for some people who have male partners the thought of penetration by their partner's penis may be a potent one.

Lube is always in order, as are condoms (particularly if there are any possible STD concerns, or if one of you has concerns about cleanliness).

It's also especially important for the penetrating partner to listen: if your partner asks you to slow down or stop, and you don't listen, then at a minimum you're risking spoiling this activity for the two of you in the future.

With a Sex Toy:  The big safety virtue of toys specifically designed for anal play is that they can't get ``lost'' inside the anal passageway, no matter what kind of mishap may happen: they generally have flanged bases which prevent anything like this from happening.
 
And, of course, they're given shapes meant to feel good --- perhaps involving small bulges that provide a fascinating sensation as they slip past the anus itself.
 
Butt Plugs For most couples (or individuals who simply want to add a new dimension to masturbation), the simple ``butt plug'' will be just about the ultimate anal toy, not only are they designed not to go too far in, but they're also designed to easily stay in without anyone's hand there to keep them in.

So, you can put a condom over one, apply some lube, insert it, and then go on having sex the way you normally do, but with the addition of an interesting new sensation in your pelvic area that accompanies every pelvic thrust, PC muscle squeeze, or orgasmic contraction.
 
Anal Dildos The distinction between these toys and butt plugs is that anal dildos aren't meant to stay in on their own once they're inserted: rather, they're intended to be slowly thrust in and out, by either you or your partner, for a sensation of movement within the anus that's quite distinct from the insistent/consistent pressure of the ``stay in place'' butt plug.

Strap-On A strap-on harness allows one to hold an anal dildo in place against the pubic bone, hence allowing ``hands free'' anal penetration.

Although in theory there are some circumstances in which men might choose to wear a strap-on (perhaps using a different harness design that holds the dildo against the upper thigh rather than against the public bone above the penis), in practice these toys are mainly purchased and worn by women for use with their partners.